If John Hughes had made running movies...

I have been very cool, calm and collected about this marathon in four days. Until two days ago.

It was Monday. Work was a shitfest, as always. We were scrambling to handle all kinds of things and I felt tired and jittery. I'm still trying to kick last week's headcold.

Around midday, I felt my heart racing. I looked at the pile of papers and empty cups and Diet Coke bottles all over my desk and noticed the map of the Omaha race course that I've had sitting there for the last couple of weeks. It dawned on me -- here comes the marathon taper crazy.

No biggie. This is my sixth marathon so I've been through this before. I can get through this.

Yesterday was another shitfest day and I felt myself getting really pissed off at work. Like, really mad, madder than I should be. By the end of the day, I had told a few colleagues, don't mind me, I'm running a marathon this weekend and am feeling nutty. All of them non-runners, they looked at me like, um, okay... stepping back now, crazy lady.

I decided to work on my music playlist for this weekend. Omaha makes me think of two things -- first, my parents and siblings, who still live there.

And secondly, since I haven't lived there full-time since I left for college in 1986, it reminds me of high school.

Which I really didn't enjoy.

I always felt like an outsider and that nobody liked me. I thought I was fat. (I wasn't). I thought I was funny-looking. I was a good student in that I got mostly As, but I didn't feel smart. I felt like I never knew the right thing to say, that I couldn't just easily talk with and hang out with other kids, that they had some gift that I was missing.

Years after high school, after exhaustively rewatching John Hughes movies over the last 25 years, I have come to the conclusion that I was fine and that everyone is a mess in high school. Well, OK, probably lots of kids anyway. I just watched Sixteen Candles recently, probably about the 50th time I've seen this movie. I still laughed out loud. And I could totally relate to Molly Ringwald's character kvetching about whether Sam even knows she's alive.

Just as I can to Molly's character in Pretty in Pink, when she pines for Blane, who I had a huge crush on as well.

And then there's Breakfast Club, which is my favorite movie. Ever. And I still get teary at the end when the Simple Minds song cues up and Judd Nelson is wearing Molly Ringwald's earring.

I never ran in high school. It never occurred to me to do so. I did envy that cross country and track runners were skinny. But that's about all the thought I ever gave it. Now I wonder if I had been a runner then would I have felt more confident, the way running gives me confidence now. Is that why John Hughes never did any movies about kids on a cross country team? Not enough teen angst?

So, um, yeah, my marathon playlist is a *little* loaded down with Duran Duran. There may be some Power Station and Talk Talk on there. It needs more Depeche Mode. And, oh yes, Simple Minds.

Four more days...