About Me

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After years of sloth, I am now a mama who runs and practices yoga. I write about exercise; parenting a grownup child as well as two little kids; and whatever is annoying me at the moment.

Monday, September 19, 2016

The silver lining

This has been the summer of biking in our house.

We've worked hard with our "littles" to teach them how to ride bikes. It's paying off.

Little M-man, my 7-year-old, is now able to pedal in short spurts. A little dude who struggles with confidence sometimes, he was beaming Saturday as he worked with his big brother and was actually biking on his own.

His 5-year-old sister C is tearing around on her tiny pink bike, demanding to go farther than the sidewalks near our house. She wants to bike with mommy, whose nagging running injury has prompted her to bike more.

I love that girl's spunk.

Sometimes I wonder if the world is getting crabbier, or if as I age I am viewing the world through a different lense. It seems so many people are unhappy or angry sometimes, and grumbling is a reflex. I'm certainly guilty of it.

I was recently walking on Michigan Avenue, which teemed with people on a warm September afternoon. I wondered how many of them were crabby. I pictured them as cute babies instead, to see if my lense of humanity would be kinder. I decided to picture them as five-year-olds instead. Kids that age are the bomb.

Some stuff you can't fix. Some stuff you can, if you try.

Long before I became a runner, I biked. My introduction to biking as a kid was far from remarkable.

I had a pink bike with a pink striped banana seat (I LOVED that bike). Back then, we didn't wear bike helmets. My dad will still laugh about how many times I crashed into garbage cans trying to learn. It seemed to take forever. (God, it took forever...)

But then biking became fun, super fun. It meant big-kid freedom to wander. Sometimes, as I got older, it meant peace, a chance to collect jumbled thoughts, whether it was my bewildered eighth grade self on military base housing streets in Omaha or my troubled new mom self, back when my oldest son was born, on a little used trail east of Des Moines.

I vowed that this year would be the summer that my kids would learn to ride -- and hopefully, learn to love biking as I did. And that has been so great to work with them.

It's also been great to re-discover biking for myself and remember why I loved it so much.

Yesterday morning, I had planned to do another of a series of rides I've been doing on the weekends lately along the North Channel Trail, which runs thru a chunk of the North Side of Chicago into a bunch of suburbs, eventually reaching the Green Bay Trail that starts in the tony suburbs of Wilmette, Kenilworth and Winnetka (which, at ~20 miles round trip from my house, is as far as I've gotten). 

But M-man was up in the middle of the night. He is usually a great sleeper, but he was barking-coughing and crying. Poor kid was miserable. I stayed with him until he could sleep again, so I didn't get up as early as I would have liked to get 25 miles in (that was my goal).

So, by the time I got up and fed the kids, I had an hour or so to squeeze in a ride before a kids' birthday party. I decided to bike west from my house, along some more bike-friendly streets, to the North Branch trail, where I've done plenty of runs.

Given the time constraint, I knew that just as I reached the Caldwell Woods, where the awesome paved bike trails began and wound north that I would have to turn around.

But hey, a ride's a ride. And it was a beautiful fall day.

And then I discovered something awesome.

The biking path has been extended south of Caldwell Woods to Cicero and Forest Glen roads, easily accessible from bike-friendly Bryn Mawr Road.

I was elated.

The construction/do not enter signs were still up, promising $500 fines for trespassers, but the path had plenty of scofflaw bikers and walkers already.

I joined them. A new path is just irresistible.

I giddily biked up to Caldwell Woods, my turnaround. I wanted to split myself in two -- send one mom back to do all the mom stuff at my house, and the other part of me keep biking, wind in my hair.

The rest of the day, I thought about that ride. I got grouchy about stupid stuff at a few points in the day, which I feel silly about, and reminded myself to think about the things that make us happy. If I'm grouchy, even if I can't go for a bike ride that second, maybe just thinking about that feeling can help pave over the grouchy moment.

Yeah, it doesn't always work. But sometimes it helps.

I so cannot wait to take the "littles" up to that path for a ride!


Biking has been the silver lining to what's happening with my favorite physical activity, running. Unforunately, my hamstring tendon/hip issues are still there, a good seven-plus months and counting. I can run a few times a week, but my hamstring feels stuck.

Back to the sports doctor this week. Never give up, right?

Sunday, August 28, 2016

My non-triumphant return

I was pretty zen and even a little smug a week ago, when I wrote about not really missing running for the last six weeks to heal from an injury.

Then I was clear to run. I ran four miles with a friend, and it went, well, OK, but...

I realized that hamstring tendon issue, though better, was still there. Post-run, throughout the workday, I ached.

Dang it. Too much too soon.

Two days later, I thought, hey, I'll just warm up better and just do three miles.

Welp, that didn't work so well, either. Then, at combo of spin class and core exercise class yesterday, my IT band and knee let me know that they were not happy with me.

This is what I'm *supposed* to be doing, according to my sports doc.

So, I could just cry about it, or shut up and move forward.  I'm headed back to the sports doc this week to see if we can do anything else.

I've also started the walk/run, with no issues or pain. Only thing that's hurting today is my pride. That's OK with me.

Sunday, August 21, 2016

Why I haven't missed running

Nine years ago, I trained for my first marathon, the Chicago marathon, after never having run more than six miles in my life.

During the 20-mile long run that year -- the final run before a three-week taper to the race -- I was doubled over in pain. Popliteal (behind the knee) tendonitis.

I was the biggest friggin' baby about it. I cried, moaned, whined about it to whoever would listen. (I feel really silly about that now.)

Running was new, exciting and man, this former smoker and plump chick was so close to running a marathon. I felt special, like I was actually accomplishing something meaningful.

(Editor's note: I ran/walked the 2007 Chicago marathon until it was canceled mid-race because it was hotter than hell. A humbling final chapter.)

I've had to quit running a few times(and come back) since then. Two pregnancies. A broken toe last year.

And then this year, a small tear to a hamstring tendon, the year I had planned to attempt my first 50-mile run. The sports doc told me not to run for six weeks.

I moaned, though a lot less, the first day to my good running buddies.

When you're a mom who works full-time, running is pretty much your social life. I'm mainly OK with that. I was going to miss the comraderie.

And since then, a strange thing has happened.

I haven't missed running.

At all.

My Facebook feed is filled with people posting about their workouts. And it also has a few articles posted about people who post about their workouts being narcissists or insecure people.

For the record, I used to post shit like that a lot. Then I grew kind of, I don't know, embarrassed at times. I mean, who gives a crap about how many miles someone ran or what time they did it? I put the brakes on -- I didn't want to be an asshole anymore.

At least about my workouts, anyway. Ha.

(Though sometimes, I'm gonna post about it. There's just times a girl's gotta shout out.)

So, back to running. I've spent the last 5 1/2 weeks doing anything but running. Spinning, weights classes, bike riding, step classes, yoga and today, even a kickboxing class that is gonna hurt in the morning.

I actually feel pretty good -- my hip stuff that led to the hamstring tear still feels kind of there, so I don't know what to make of that. But my cardiovascular is really good and I feel strong.

Uh oh, did I just veered into narcissist territory again?

But I don't miss running at all.

And I'm not sure why.

I'll start back this week, just because, well, I can.

I won't run a marathon or more this fall.

But I might do some shorter races.


It's a little like when, earlier this year, I felt driven to take on a new job and challenge -- but discovered my existing professional gig was pretty awesome and suited me very well.

Sometimes I struggle to just stop and enjoy where I am. I have a hard time in stopping this simmering, near-constant feeling like I have to keep pushing harder and harder toward this ambiguous and amorphous goal in my mind that I need to work even harder, and do something remarkable.

Sometimes I don't even know why I'm doing it. It's like trying to find an endzone or a finish line in really thick fog. Who knows if it's even there.

Maybe instead of thinking about all of this stuff when I finally go for a run this week, I'll just tell my brain to shut up. I'll just put on my running shoes, put one foot in front of the other, and enjoy running again.

If you're interested in which it is, I'll be glad to let you know in (hopefully) the least narcissist way possible.

Sunday, July 17, 2016

Pookie comes home, and the MRI doesn't lie

When your babysitter for your kindergartner and second-grader tells you she's going on vacation for two weeks, you naturally go into full-on panic mode and scramble to line up backup sitters and wonderful friends to cover the staggered, multi-location summer camp dropoffs and pickups. 

And you take a few of those warm, summer days off of work to cover the gap. 

Oh darn, I guess I will have to take ANOTHER sunny day off.

That worked out fortuitously last week. As my little campers were marching off to their day camps Thursday, my 23-year-old son was coming home to Chicago.

For real.

When he was little, I called him "pookie bear" after Garfield's favorite stuffed animal. (Remember when Garfield was huge in the 90s?) 

This popped into my mind as I had just dropped my second camper, my daughter, that morning. I was heading to the Divvy station (my total new obsession -- bike-sharing is brilliant!) and my phone rang. He had driven all night (much to my motherly dismay) and was parked in front of my house, waiting for me to let him in. 

And to unload some of his possessions, because after five years in Iowa, he was returning home. 

I biked home as fast as I could, thinking, wow. This is really happening.

Pookie is coming home.

When I got home, we started moving the half dozen crates and tubs of possessions into the house. A box of trophies. (Heart melting a little. Loved his Welles Park sports days). Albums and CDs. Collection of frisbees. (laughing a little at this, such as 23-year-old.)

Five years ago this summer, I helped him pack up all this stuff to move out and head to Iowa for college, and closer to his father. I remembered how much and how hard I cried for days after that. OK, weeks.

Few things have been harder than watching my child move away for good.

I lost count of how many people who told me to watch out, your kids come back. And you're not done with parenting or helping them just because they're old enough to vote or legally drink.

That has turned out to be true.

We'll see how this goes -- it's a temporary stop, him living with us again, until he lands a job and can swing his own place.

But I am so, so, so happy. My baby's home.


My running has kind of sucked this year. Something in my right hip hates me. It has felt stuck for ages, despite physical therapy. I ran my shittiest marathon in May because of this stuff. (Which I shouldn't have run, but I am ridiculously pig-headed.)

I finally went in for my first-ever MRI last Monday. Within a day, I had this response from my doc: 

"Dr. _______ would like you to rest from running for 6 weeks.  Your MRI showed some tendinopathy and a partial tendon tear.  There was also swelling in your iscial tuberosity, "Sits" bone where the tendon attaches under your glute.  There was also some incidental degenerative changed in your lumbar spine and pubic symphasis.  Please do not hesitate to call or email with any questions, comments, or concerns."

I'm a civilian, and that sounded scary. What?!

Fortunately, one of my college roommates and best friends is a doctor. I texted her: "Hey, Mary, want to read my MRI results and tell me how much I should freak out?"

Within 10 minutes, she had called me. "Hey, you tore your hamstring tendon!" Fortunately, it is a "very slight" tear. She said all of the other scary sounding stuff is just the body reacting to the injury.

She was firm: Rest. Don't run. Let this heal and you'll be fine.

So, that's a relief. Now I know why running has sucked, and why that marathon sucked.

I can do any other physical activity -- biking, weights, step class. None of those hurt. So I'm lucky, because if I couldn't do anything I would lose my mind. 

But I'm still really bummed. I love running. It's my social life. 

I had already given up on the idea of running my first 50-miler this October given the hip stuff, hoping for a marathon race instead. Not sure if that's going to happen.

I feel silly feeling this way, when people are really suffering from real maladies and problems. But it feels kind of lonely.

On the plus side, my house is now cleaner than normal and I'm more rested from not getting up at 4:30 a.m. daily.

37 days until August 24... :-)

Sunday, May 15, 2016

Cutting through the noise: My sister's kickass fitness story

"Noise" is how I have come to think of all of the stories, studies and opinions on losing weight and gaining fitness.


Think about all of the stories about "The Biggest Loser" lately and the critics who say it's all a sham because people regained their weight. 

Another story recently quoted a study that basically said heavy people who lose a lot of weight are often doomed to gain it back. 

Then there are all sorts of diets with names like Whole 30. (I cringed once at a kid's birthday party listening to this mom talk about the Whole 30 all of the food she had had to cut out and gradually add back. God, it sounded awful.I wanted to yell at her "you're going to gain that all back!")

It's just all so confusing. No wonder people get frustrated and give up or don't try. Who can blame them?

Which brings me to what I believe, based on my own experience and now the that of my sister Missey, whose amazing story she's letting me share here. Hard work, not gimmicks, are what will get you to your goals. It's work to stay fit and healthy, too. It's so, so hard. But it's doable.

My sister, who is two years younger than me, is AMAZING. She has lost 80 pounds in just a few years -- the slow, hard way. No gimmicks, no fads, no starving. She's gone from obese to being a fitness coach (who no doubt could kick my runner's ass) and finishing 5Ks and recently a 10K. 

My sister's story in her words:

I have been with my husband for 22 years (married for 20 1/2) and we have three wonderful sons: my step-son Dakota (who gave me the most adorable grandson last October, Ryker), my sons Ryan (19 and a freshman at University of Nebraska) and my youngest Breck (14, in the eighth grade).  They have brought a tremendous amount of joy to my life!  

I am a special ed paraprofessional at an elementary school, a job I have loved for six years. Prior to that, I was a branch manager for a large bank a dozen years -- a job I loved but that cut too deeply into time with my family. I also had to sit a lot and developed a bad habit of eating out, which caught up with me (along with two pregnancies!)

In March of 2014 I decided that a change needed to be made. 

I was the heaviest I had ever been in my life. Then 44, I had no ill effects from being overweight -- but I knew it was coming. I have two wonderful parents who both have an excessive amount of heath issues and I did not want to go down that path.  

My first step was getting a fitbit.  The first two weeks I had it I continued to eat as I had been (lots of fast food) and realized I was eating well over 3000 calories a day!  Eek! I was in such shock to see that this was a daily occurrence. No wonder I had hit my highest weight.

I realized that I could no longer blame the office job (I had been gone for more than three years) or baby weight (my youngest was 12 then). I really had to look hard at myself and decided that I was in control of what I put in my body.  

My first step was to cut out fast food. I lost 10 pounds in two weeks from that alone. I tried to eat healthier, but I am not a veggie person so it was hard. But I reminded myself that I was making steps in the right direction. After years of trying all the fad diets, I realized that it really is a lifestyle choice, not a diet. I told myself that this was the right course and that it would take time to make the changes needed -- because it took years to put all that weight on.

Two months after I started making my changes, my dear friend Carmen wanted to focus on losing her baby weight and get back into running again.  She and another coworker decided to do a month-long challenge to eat healthy and start to exercise again. I joined in and stepped into a gym for the first time in my life!! It gave me extreme anxiety to do so, but I knew I really had no choice if I wanted to live a healthier lifestyle.  

It was hard at first. I could only walk for 10 minutes at a slow pace on the treadmill, but I did it!  We kept up with the walking and tried weight machines and some fitness classes. I started to overcome my anxiety of working out, especially in front of others.  

We were both so excited that we continued small challenges to keep each other motivated.  By March of 2015 -- one year later -- I had lost 60 pounds and 20-plus inches!  I felt amazing and couldn't believe how far I had come, although I knew I still had a way to go.  

Carmen and I continued to walk, go to the gym and started sharing meals.  Last summer, I had a few setbacks and gainedback a few pounds (too many bbqs and adult beverages).I was frustrated and attempted to refocus as best as I could, but felt I really needed something different to renew my passion for living a healthier life. 

Then a co-worker told Carmen and me about Farrell's, which offered a 10-week fitness program -- 45 minutes a day, six days a week.That same day, October 9, 2015 we both signed up! 

The team atmosphere, focus on both building strength and developing cardio fitness, and nutrition guidance was exactly what we needed to re-motivate ourselves!  

I learned so much about nutrition, including to no longer solely focus on counting calories and losing weight. I learned it was important to fuel your body with the proper amount of carbs and proteins.  

During that 10 weeks I lost 16 lbs, 13.75 inches and 3.5 percent body fat. Since that 10 weeks ended, I have lost another eight pounds and 12.5 inches. My clothes became much looser and I had never felt better!  By week five of my 10 weeks I was asking when I could sign up to be a FIT student.  :)

I have had people tell me that I need to lose more weight (which is true); however I am now healthier and stronger than I have ever been.  

Even then my early 20's when I was a size 3 and weighed 115 lbs, I may have been thin, but I wasn't healthy. I was just young.  

I walked/ran my first 10K in March of this year at the age of 46, I can easily go on 3-4 mile walks, play basketball with my son, keep up with all of the kids as school and now kickbox! I did not have the energy then that I do now 26 years later. I've learned that looks are definitely deceiving and that the number on the scale does not define the shape or health you are in!

Yep, this is me, 20 years old in 1990.  I may have been thin but I was not as healthy as I am now. I didn't exercise and my diet consisted on mostly fast food. (but don't you love the hair!) 

This is me on the left and Carmen in March of 2014.  Both of us started to realize that changes in our food choices and exercise needed to be a priorities in our lives.  As Carmen has told me and others, being a mom makes it hard, but if we don't take care of ourselves how will we take care of others?

Yes this is me at my heaviest in both of the above pictures (2013 and 2014) and me now (2016).  I be may older but I am so much healthier (I know I keep saying that but it is true)!  

I have dropped six pant sizes, four shirt sizes and even a shoe size!  I am now down 80 pounds and 40-plus inches.

Although a lot of my weight loss came before Farrell's, I have lost more inches in the six months at Farrell's then I did from the 1.5 years of cardio and weights I did on my own. To me, this speaks about how much this program works!  It really is 80% balanced nutrition and 20% exercise.  

The best thing to come out of this -- I am now honored to be a fitness coach at Farrell's and try to help others find their path to a healthier life.  

This story you've read is the story I now share with new clients. I hope my story helps them realize that no matter what your body size is, the health you are in, it is NEVER too late to change and live for you!  I encourage all of them to talk to us and ask questions, and remind them that we understand what they're going through and that we are here for them and want to do our best each day to support them through their journeys!!

Missey and Carmen at a recent 5K race: Looking fabulous!

Thank you for taking the time to read this

Tuesday, May 10, 2016

Oh windy Wisconsin marathon: Race report

Sometimes getting older rocks.

Five years ago, if I had run a marathon that was a PW (personal worst, or slowest ever), I would have been crushed. I used to fixated on PRs (personal records), which were relatively easy to obtain since I've only been running about 10 years now.

On Saturday, I ran the Wisconsin Marathon and ran a PW of 5:35:57, 614th place out of 674.


But man, I'm pretty happy to have finished at all.

For months now I've been wrestling with a hamstring/hip ache that won't go away. I've been in physical therapy for six weeks and it's only a little better. My PT was pretty cheery last week that he'd get me to the start and finish line as he dug into my leg with his elbow so hard that tears came to my eyes.

Running is so glamorous.

On race morning, my friend Krista picked me up at 5 a.m. We run together all the time and she's easy to hang out with. She's also a CPS teacher, so we stress out about school stuff together -- she from the teacher perspective and me from the mom one. She's also kind and super chill, a good influence on my tightly wound, sometimes acidic self.

We cruised to Kenosha and arrived in just an hour. Amazing how close Chicago is to Wisconsin when there is no traffic.

We met up with some of our other awesome running friends, Betsey, a lawyer and whose now-teenage daughter has generously passed on an awesome bed, a Pottery Barn play kitchen and the cutest little necklaces to my girly-girl 5-year-old. One of my favorite pastimes with Betsey is to stress about politics.

We also met up with Terri, my favorite snarky Canadian who fosters cats and does something technology-related for a living. (She has patiently explained it to me, but I'm still not sure what exactly it is.) She also gave me Reckless, our family cat, after I "borrowed" him two years ago because we suddenly got mice in our kitchen.

Terri was doing the half marathon, the three of rest of us doing the full marathon. Such a great crew.

Prior to the start, I was able to meet up with Andy, a nice guy I went to high school. Not many of us Nebraska kids in Chicago, so it was nice to say hi and have my arm twisted to go to our, um, 30th reunion this summer.

The morning was sunny and 70 degrees, though it was supposed to cool off into the 50s by race time.

As we lined up at the start line, the sky to the west of us was suddenly dark and the wind picked up. The temperature dropped and we shivered. The wind felt downright cold. I shivered in my short-sleeve Flatlanders shirt and shorts. I tend to run hot, but wondered if I was going to be cold for the next five hours...

Finally we were off. The wind was fierce. Man. I was really cold now.

Also on my mind was a pretty big personal decision just the day before, after weeks of sleeping like crap and feeling stressed. On that race morning, I had been awake since 2 a.m., worrying not about the race (for a change!) but worrying about change, letting people down.

So I was more tired than I would have liked to have been in the first five miles. I told myself one million times that I could just drop out at  the half marathon mark. No one would judge me, except myself.

Somewhere after we left the little downtown area, we were along Lake Michigan. The view was beautiful but we were running straight into a strong wind that slapped our bodies so hard that it sometimes felt like I was barely moving. It reminded me of swimming in choppy open water, when I'm working so hard to swim but feeling like I'm not moving forward.

This continued for about the two longest miles of my life. The wind whipped sand off the narrow strip of beach so hard it stung our eyes, faces and legs. Someone jokingly called it "exfoliation". At one point it felt like one of my contacts was half hanging out of my eye, which burned with sand.

Betsey and Krista were ahead of us a bit by this point, so Terri and I hung together and agreed it was OK to complain to each other. It sucked.
Sandbags were no match for the wind.

Around 7.5 miles, we turned back and the wind was to our back. It was like a whole different run, though there were points I felt like the wind was half carrying me, and I'm not a petite person.

My leg was annoying me, but I wasn't in pain. I could feel the injured area tightening to the point my knee would start clicking. I'd then stop, stretch my piriformis and then my hamstrings, and run again (or walk a bit). I would repeat that throughout the race.

As we approached the half marathon mark, I was still debating out loud whether I should quit at the half. Betsey kept slowing down and waiting for me, gentling reminding me that it was OK to do so. Why she is so nice and didn't tell me to make a decision and shut it... well, she's just nice!

Terri turned off to finish the half and I followed Betsey instead. I laughed, "well, I guess I'm doing the full."

The second half of the race winds south thru town and then into a more rural area into Pleasant Prairie. It was windy but not as windy as right by the water, and the wind was to our backs for miles. I tried not to think about the wind we'd face when it was time to turn back north.

Some of the houses were pretty fancy, others modest. I want to move somewhere warmer some day, but these country houses and proximity to the water were pretty appealing. The scenery mostly made up for the fact that I was, indeed, having a kind of sucky race.

Betsey was so nice and insisted on sticking with me, though I know she doesn't like to stop and take walk breaks (I get it, when I'm in healthier running shape I like to keep breaks short, too). The miles went slowly and then we finally turned back north.


The wind continued to be stiff and unforgiving. By mile 20, I told Betsey that if I managed to do 20 then I certainly could finish 26.2 miles and urged her to go on. I appreciated her kindness but I planned to take more walk breaks to give my body a rest.

I was really tired and didn't care how long it took me to finish.

After all, Ida Keeling doesn't quit. (Damn.)

At mile 25, I took a dorky selfie to text my friends, who would be done with their races by now, so they knew that I was close. I hoped they were staying warm somewhere.

I was so happy to see the 26-mile mark and was reminded of why I like smaller races.

I could hear the announcer cheering people over the finish line. As I spotted it, he ran up to me with his microphone and asked me my name, and then announced me. So nice! I ran as fast as I could muster and after crossing, was handed a cool medal of a guy made of cheese and a Mylar blanket that wouldn't stay on me because of the wind.

I found Krista and Betsey as quickly as possible. We shivered to get our photo taken by a woman I could tell did not want to stop and take our picture (she was on her way to work, but reluctantly agreed) and we went separate ways.

I'm glad I did the race. Thanks to these awesome friends!
Me, Krista, Betsey and Terri. <3

Friday, April 8, 2016

Bangs or no bangs?

In a month, I will run another marathon, the Wisconsin Marathon in Kenosha.

Why? Because there are cheese curds at the finish line, my friend Krista reminds me.

Yum, cheese curds.

Southeast Wisconsin is also home to one of the very best places on earth, the Mars Cheese Castle.  That is worth the drive up north.

Cheese castle!
I've been actually kind of psyched for this race.

After running the Des Plaines River Trail (DPRT) marathon last fall, I was was happy to discover that it's possible to really enjoy a marathon. The key was doing it with good friends and taking it easy. You know, making a point to actually try and enjoy it.

After several sucky-ass marathons of trying to stick to a pace and set new PRs (personal records), this changed -- for the better -- my view of running marathons and the two 50k ultras I've done the last couple of years.

So run Kenosha for the hell of it? Sure, why not.

But, the last month or so, some nagging aches -- if I'm honest with myself, it's stuff I had last year, too -- led to a bunch of stuff that made me have to slow way down on running. Sports doc diagnosis: some kind of hamstring/hip tendonopathy, piriformas syndrome, etc. Get some physical therapy. Bleah.

So, time to apply the "bangs vs. no bangs test".

I am never, ever satisfied with my bangs.

I grow them out.

Then I decide my forehead is wrinkly and I get bangs again to look younger (a cheap alternative to Botox, I rationalize.)

Now I'm not liking my bangs and growing them out.

This weird mental test applies to other stuff, too. Skip the race or drop to a half marathon distance or cross-train like crazy and just have the best race that is possible, even if I'm DFL (dead effing last).

Yes, this is the world's dumbest metaphor.

So, I'm growing out my bangs again and they're a mess right now.

So's my "training" as I shove a step and bodypump class or a spin class into my schedule, run lower mileage during the week -- and curse when things ache. (The physical therapist I'm seeing is doing so much to help -- I'm better, just impatient).

I've made myself go to the pool the last three Friday mornings -- I am a terrible swimmer and don't really like it. So I'm just doing separate drills to practice armstroke and kicking, which are both astoundingly exhausting.

(But it's kind of cool, too... I am going to try and stick with it.)

How everything shakes out on race day -- who knows.

But hopefully my bangs will be long enough by then to pull back and out of my eyes as I'm running toward those cheese curds.