It's coming from the Blommer's Chocolate factory -- the heady, unmistakable scent of chocolate. The aroma is either unsweetened or semi-sweet -- I've never been able to decide. Years ago, back in my days as a journalist, it was a comforting and, well, yummy smell.
Then, three years ago this fall, I learned that I would be laid off from the place I'd worked at for 10 years. Three years ago this coming Tuesday, to be precise.
I can still smell Blommer's from my current employer because it, too, is within the sniffing vicinity. So naturally, that smell has always reminded me of that point in my life.
I can still smell Blommer's from my current employer because it, too, is within the sniffing vicinity. So naturally, that smell has always reminded me of that point in my life.
Three years ago, that smell went quickly from comforting to sad. As I was iced out more and more in my officeplace, I used to walk at lunchtime, seeking escape.
Sometimes during those lunch walks I'd wander to a pre-natal yoga class nearby, as I was entering my second trimester with my daughter. Those walks weren't relaxing. I wondered how in the hell our family was going to get through all of this. I felt guilty about spending money I shouldn't on yoga class. But my back already ached. Babies, as much as I love, love, love them, do that to me.
Three years is a long time and yet no time at all. But it's been long enough for me to get my head out of my ass.
I knew I was going to get laid off. I felt it coming weeks before I wrangled it out of someone in a position to know. He bought me a month's time to continue to earn my paycheck and get my professional life in order.
I went into resume and networking mode, but it wasn't with the usual gusto I feel when I decide I gotta do something, something big. Maybe it was having a wee boy who just started walking, and a not so wee boy in the throes of high school. But I lost my fight for awhile. I didn't feel like looking for a job. Even though I knew way down it was time. I was in the middle of a big personal life transition, starting a new family.
So what did I do? Dumb, dumb things. I've learned since then to not (hopefully) repeat my mistakes. Those include learning to manage up, even if the person telling you what to do is completely batshit nuts. It's also owning and not blaming others. It's also being innovative and creating value for an organization -- not being a wallflower and waiting for people to come to you to do things. And for the love of God, don't be defensive. That's not the same as "don't play defense." You gotta play defense at work without looking like you're playing defense. That one has taken me a long time to figure out.
If I really want to beat myself up, some of the way I behaved back then now makes me cringe a little.
But that is a waste of time, What isn't a waste of time is figuring out what I did wrong and not making those mistakes again. Make some new mistakes, fine, but I don't want to be the type of person who can't learn from mistakes.
I still would have been whacked. I'm not kidding myself otherwise. But I want to know everytime I move on to the next opportunity that I've learned something. The main lesson I've walked away from is to never, ever get comfortable.
And some very, very cool stuff happened in those three years. I got the sweetest daughter I could possibly wish for. My career went a direction it probably wouldn't have had I not been knocked on my ass so hard that it woke me out of a stupor and made me hustle, hustle, hustle. I've also gone on to have my best running years and races. My husband has put up with all of my ups and downs. God bless him.
I'm still not wild about that chocolate smell. It invokes a little bit of melancholy, always. But once I eat chocolate, I'm just fine.
I knew I was going to get laid off. I felt it coming weeks before I wrangled it out of someone in a position to know. He bought me a month's time to continue to earn my paycheck and get my professional life in order.
I went into resume and networking mode, but it wasn't with the usual gusto I feel when I decide I gotta do something, something big. Maybe it was having a wee boy who just started walking, and a not so wee boy in the throes of high school. But I lost my fight for awhile. I didn't feel like looking for a job. Even though I knew way down it was time. I was in the middle of a big personal life transition, starting a new family.
So what did I do? Dumb, dumb things. I've learned since then to not (hopefully) repeat my mistakes. Those include learning to manage up, even if the person telling you what to do is completely batshit nuts. It's also owning and not blaming others. It's also being innovative and creating value for an organization -- not being a wallflower and waiting for people to come to you to do things. And for the love of God, don't be defensive. That's not the same as "don't play defense." You gotta play defense at work without looking like you're playing defense. That one has taken me a long time to figure out.
If I really want to beat myself up, some of the way I behaved back then now makes me cringe a little.
But that is a waste of time, What isn't a waste of time is figuring out what I did wrong and not making those mistakes again. Make some new mistakes, fine, but I don't want to be the type of person who can't learn from mistakes.
I still would have been whacked. I'm not kidding myself otherwise. But I want to know everytime I move on to the next opportunity that I've learned something. The main lesson I've walked away from is to never, ever get comfortable.
And some very, very cool stuff happened in those three years. I got the sweetest daughter I could possibly wish for. My career went a direction it probably wouldn't have had I not been knocked on my ass so hard that it woke me out of a stupor and made me hustle, hustle, hustle. I've also gone on to have my best running years and races. My husband has put up with all of my ups and downs. God bless him.
I'm still not wild about that chocolate smell. It invokes a little bit of melancholy, always. But once I eat chocolate, I'm just fine.
Perfect.
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