Making your kids happy, and sad

We've owned our house in the city for about nine years, but until last weekend we'd never been to or had a block party, Chicago-style. A kind neighbor got the permit, put some food and drinks out on Saturday and hired an accordion player. It was cool.

Then it got even better. Shortly after some of us had spilled out of our homes to mingle in a few yards, a Chicago fire engine came and parked on our block. The firemen let kids like my little toddler man climb all over the inside of the truck. My son's face was sheer, innocent joy -- I wish I had downloaded the photos off the camera, so I could share one here, that's how powerful it was. It about made me cry to see his joy.

The afternoon continued on, with two Chicago police offers showing up with -- horses! Yep, I guess that is part of the permit/block party tradition, too? My son got to sit on a horse. He's still talking about sitting on "da horsie". He loved the accordion player. And so on. Baby C hung out with me in the Baby Bjorn, wriggling and smiling. I had run a particularly rough 10-miler that morning and was feeling pretty ragged, but it was a good time. With a little ibuprofen, I could ignore my achey legs.

Last week I and my ex-husband had to tell our teenager he couldn't go to the college of his choice this fall. He was crushed. Not that he wasn't aware it was a possibility. He wanted to go to the U of Iowa, even though his first year would be out-of-state tuition. Without going into all of the details, we just couldn't make it work financially.

It killed me to hear the dejection in his voice over the phone and see his despairing posts on Facebook. There was no way to sugarcoat it -- he's not leaving for college in a few weeks like his friends will. I know in his shoes I would have been devastated. It is so hard to fix things for your kids when they're older. With the toddler and Baby C, some snuggles and maybe a toy -- or a horsie -- do the trick. Not so easy with an older kid.

I still feel awful everytime I think about my oldest. But I will keep reminding him he WILL go to school. Working for the next year in Iowa to both earn money and to gain eligibility for in-state tuition will be a big help to us all. I will surely be working before then. I never promised my son a college education -- he always knew he would have to earn it. But I did promise him that I will help him, and I plan to make good on that, somehow.

He's coming home for a short visit in the next few weeks. I can't wait to hold my boy.