2010 Random snark and observations

Everyone has some kind of top 10 list at the end of the year, right? My husband will slave over his top albums of the year. He's very meticulous and finds really cool stuff. It's always a crap shoot if I've actually heard of more than a few titles -- I leave it to him to scroll music blogs and other sources of new music info. He just loves it and is really good at it. And he's cute, asking me every year what are my top albums of the year. Like I could name 10 albums from this year.

On the treadmill today, I was flanked on either side by a couple of slightly nutty women -- to my left was the loud, offkey singer in headphones just belting out something painful to listen to. I had to crank up my Daft Punk to drown her out. To my right was the newly pregnant woman who within minutes of striking up a conversation with me had given me a quite detailed medical history of her pregnancies, including liver enzyme history, bedrest stories and more. Um, we just met, need to finish my run now, good luck to you! So, what's a girl to do but craft a top 10 Random snark list in her head for 2010? Here goes:

1. What is up with the Tax Masters commercials that are on during daytime TV? It's like something you'd see on Saturday Night Live. And I keep wondering just how big is the rest of that guy in the commercial -- you only see him shoulders up, stiff as a board, in the commercial.

2. Tom Ricketts, Executive Chairman of the Chicago Cubs, wanted state bonds to pay for millions of dollars worth of upgrades at Wrigley Field. Um, nice try, dude. We'[re in a recession, the state budget looks like something my Kenmore vaccuum sucked up and spit out and besides, Gov. Pat Quinn's a die-hard Sox fan.


3. Kelly Osbourne -- Enough about your weight loss. Do something with your overprocessed hair. And, please go enjoy being thin quietly somewhere and stop talking to everyone on the planet how you lost the weight. Most of us do.not.care.

4. Speaking of celebs, someone remind me how Kim Kardashian got so famous? And for someone with a really pretty face, access to money and really good fashion and a nice figure, why does she dress so trashy? And she needs to stop worrying about not being married at 30. Whatever.

5. OK, another celeb snark. I'm on a roll, baby. Kendra, oh Kendra, how many times will you whine to the press about how it is OK for mothers to be slutty, er, I mean, sexy? Your baby is adorable. Focus on him and less on your cleavage. And yes, moms can be sexy. But we're usually too tired and busy to moan on and on about it. It's like someone's depriving her of her due process.

6. I swear my first New Year's resolution of 2011 will be to never, ever watch Jersey Shore again. Promise. Even if Snooki is a sometimes lovable lil train wreck.

7. M.C. Hammer pants, whatever you want to call them. These should never, ever, ever have made a comeback. There isn't a woman on the planet who could possibly look good in these, nor a husband or boyfriend who would tease the woman who wore them.

8. OK, this is for my friend Martin, a Minnesota native who has apparently sworn off his loyalty to the Minnesota Vikings since they picked up Brett Favre awhile back. Brett, who at 41 is a year younger than me, listen to me: You're an awesome QB. Everyone knows this. But you keep threatening to retire and then you don't. You drive people bananas. Personally, it's no skin off my nose what you do, but since I keep hearing about you, let's make a deal. You and I are old, respectively, for playing in the NFL and giving birth. How about you stop playing after this year and I'll stop having kids after my daughter is born this spring and we'll both just settle into our 40s gracefully. Whaddya think? P.S. Stop the sexting while you're at it. At our age, it's not sexy, it's lecherous.

9. Sarah Palin has a TV show? I must be living under a rock. Can't stand her politically, but oh, I can't resist reading about and watching her train wreck ways. It's just a guilty pleasure.

10. Facebook. Hey teenagers, you know we see that you post your every move and mood on Facebook, right? And that we laugh at you? Yes, we are mean, mean adults. Who thank God had no access to such potential sources of personal embarrassment back when we were your age. Back before the Internet was invented.