Let go already, mama! And a good-bye to Hollydog

I had a great Mother's Day. My husband was awesome and bought me a new purple dress -- I hadn't been shopping in so long! It has dolman sleeves and is above the knee and, if I may say so, I look awesome in it. My teenager bought me a really cool necklace and was a sweetie pie all day. The Little Toddler Man and Baby C were just awesome, cute little kids -- even though Little Toddler Man "forgot" to sleep past 6 a.m. Oops. We did blueberry pancakes, church and then grilled out and entertained some friends. It was nice.

I also called my mom. She and my dad just had to put one of their dogs to sleep, Holly. "Hollydog", as some of us called her, was a black Lab and was 15 years old. She was just about one of the best dogs I've ever known, so sweet and playful. I feel terribly for my parents' loss. I'm not surprised my mom didn't want to talk much yesterday, but I am thinking a lot of her and my dad right now. RIP, sweet baby Hollydog.

I also did something else for Mother's Day. Actually I started this a few days ago. The teenager called me a couple of days ago as he was coming home from a track meet via city busses. He was a dime short on his transit card and called me in the middle of dinner/bath/prime toddler-wrangling time and asked if I could get a him. The traffic at that time of day on the street where he was is horrendous. I was like, ugh. but hey, I'm not going to leave him stranded. I quickly nursed Baby C, passed Toddler Man to his dad, who had some work to finish up that night, bless his heart, and headed out to pick up the teenager. I was annoyed and scolding him in my head -- I always encourage him to carry a backup transit card, plus always keep a few extra bucks for an emergency, more mom stuff, blah blah blah.

As I was crawling along the really congested street, it hit me how stupid it would be to lecture him. He's graduating from high school in about five weeks, I think? A few weeks after that he will move to his dad's for the summer and start college out of state in the fall. Aas all of this dawned on me, I felt like somebody dropped a weight on my chest -- it was such a strong emotion that hit me. He's really just about gone. I mean, I know, there will be holidays and breaks and Skype and texts, but he will likely never live with me full-time again -- more significantly, he'll never be a little kid to me again. I'm so excited for him and so proud of him and so eager for him to go to college and to have all of these great experiences. He's going to the U of Iowa and I know he will just love it.

But I gotta admit, I'm in mourning, too. Now I really understand how parents struggle with the "empty nest" and how empty it feels when a child is gone and it's never going to be the same again. I know it will hit me hard again some more. But I decided that heck, I gotta just let the little crap go and enjoy the time I have left with him. It makes me smile to see him excited about college. He already pads around in Iowa Hawkeye high-top tennis shoes. I know he's just about mentally checked out of high school and oh, I remember that feeling, don't you? The end of senior year is so exciting and heady.

So I'm just continuing to make myself chill and keep saying prayers to the financial aid gods that they will help this kid get what he needs to start in the fall since god knows when I am going to find a job. Oh, and I'm hugging my little babies extra tight. They won't leave for a very, very long time. :-)